


The One.

by McSatan



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: Crossover, F/M, Private Practice - Freeform, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-08
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:42:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27448060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/McSatan/pseuds/McSatan
Summary: Derek goes to LA to get Addison back, and gets quite the surprise when he finds her.
Relationships: Addison Montgomery/Derek Shepherd
Comments: 7
Kudos: 32





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> sorry for any and all errors. Also, not sure if this should be a oneshot, or if I should add to it. Let me know what you think.

[I'm doing fine, I'm on some new shit. Been saying 'yes' instead of 'no', I thought I saw you at the bus stop, I didn't though. I hit the ground running each night, I hit the Sunday matinee. You know all the greatest film were never made. I guess you never know, and if you wanted me you really should've showed. And if you never bleed you're never gonna grow, and its alright.] 

Derek stared at the last sip of scotch that was in this glass for a moment before bringing it to his lips and finished it. 

"Another one?"

He nodded at Joe. "Please."

"A lot on your mind?" The bartender asked as he refilled Derek's glass. 

Derek gave him a soft smile. "You could say that."

"Girl problems?"

Derek chuckles. "That obvious?"

"Only a little." 

As soon as his glass was refilled, Derek took another large sip. He thought back over the several months of his life. When he signed his divorce papers, he was so confident that it was decision. He was certain that his marriage was over, that he was no longer in love with Addison, and that Meredith was the one He spent awhile whole heartedly believing that. Meredith was the anti-Addison. She was young, blonde, a different view on life, innocent in a way. The intern was a breath of fresh air, she wasn't phased. Derek loved her. 

Loved. Past tense. Loved. He was no longer in love with her. He was so sure that she wasn't a phase for him, maybe now, now he was thinking she was. Meredith was the anti-Addison. But that was the problem he was facing, she wasn't Addison.

Addison was a pain in his ass. She was stubborn, set in her ways, opinioned, hot headed at times. Yet he also loved those things about her. She was set in ways because she was confident, opinioned because she was passionate. She was also funny, brilliant, talented, the perfect combination of sexy and cute, and god she was the most beautiful woman he had ever laid eyes on. She was the one that got away. The one he let get away.

Before Addison had left for LA, her and Derek had slept together. They called it there goodbye. It started heated and passionately, then turned loving and tender. They both hated the term 'making love' but he felt that they would both agree that's what happened. Ever since then, Derek couldn't stop thinking about her. He spent the last twenty three weeks allowing Addison to consume his mind. He missed her. He missed her red hair, her smile, her sassy remarks, he missed looking up and seeing her from across the hallways of the hospitals, her glasses resting on the tip of her nose as she read her paperwork. He missed her soft skin, her red lips, her ocean eyes, her kisses. He just missed her. 

Derek took another rather large drink from his scotch as she thought of his ex-wife, realizing how much he wished she wasn't his ex-wife. 

"It's her isn't it?"

Derek turned around to see Meredith standing behind him. He looked at her sadly, seeing she was holding back tears.

"Meredith..."

"I'm right aren't I? It's Addison. Cause you haven't been the same since she left. I kept telling myself I was crazy, and it was nothing. Because we were good, and you were over her. But I was wrong. We weren't good, and you aren't over her. And you're distance now, and uninterested." 

"Meredith...I'm so sorry."

"You always are." Meredith turned to leave but stops herself to say one last thing. " I hope you finally figure out what you want...because we're not going to just stay around for you to pull us back and forth."

Derek watched her leave and then brought his attention back to his drink, throwing it back and finishing it. She was right. What he was doing to the two of them was unfair. He couldn't just keep Meredith and Addison around to go back and fourth between. He was playing with feelings and hurting them. He felt ashamed. After giving Addison an endlessly hard time about cheating with Mark, he ended up being no better.   
He needed to decide. Meredith or Addison. He needed to let one go and fight for the other. Though as he thought about this, it was no question. He didn't need time to think about what he needed to do, he already knew it. His heart already knew it. He started a smiled to himself, this next week was going to be exciting. 

[But we were something, don't you think so? Roaring twenties, tossing pennies in the pool. And if my wishes came true, it would have been you. In my defense I have none, for never leaving well enough alone. But it would've been fun, if you would've been the one.]

LA was different. It was different from New York and very different from Seattle. It was hard picturing Addison living here...and liking it. His taxi pulled up Oceanside Wellness Center and Derek could have swore he was taken to the wrong place, the driver double checked and assured him it was right. The place was small, cute, but small. He took the elevator up, his excitement increasing each minute.   
The bell dinged and the doors opened. Derek looked around the floor. It was...different. He was used to the hospital where is was chaos and surgeries and running around, adrenaline pumping. (Most days that is). There was no chaos here. There was a waiting room right with two families patiently waiting their turn. It was actually a nice and relaxing atmosphere. He didn't mind it. It was hard to picture Addison going from Seattle Grace to Oceanside Wellness, but he understood the appeal. 

"Hi, can I help you? Are you looking for someone?" The young man at the desk ask. Derek softly smiled, realizing he must look lost with how he was looking around. 

"Yeah, um, I'm actually looking for Addison Montgomery." Derek said politely.

"Alright? What's your name?"

"Oh, I don't have an appointment, I'm..um..well, I'm an old friend."

"Alright. I'll just give her a quick call and her know you're here. What's your name?'

Derek opened his mouth to give the man his name but was interrupted.

"Derek?!"

He turned to the voice and smiled, then stared at her appearance, becoming just as shocked as she was. There stood Addison, looking beautiful as ever. Her hair was longer, still the fiery red its always been. She had a glowing tan, LA looked good on her. She wore a blue dress the went to her knee's, always showing off her legs. Though it dress also showed off something else, something he wasn't expecting to see. A quite pregnant belly. 

"Addie." 

Derek walked over to her, knowing she was too shocked to come to him. He couldn't help but smile. God he missed her, he missed her so much. He's eyes kept wondering to her bump, he had so many questions. He couldn't help but think about how good pregnancy looked on her. She was glowing, and she looked so cute with a baby bump.

"Wh-what are you doing here?"

"You're pregnant."

"You didn't answer my question. Why are you here Derek?"

"I was in the neighborhood."

"You weren't even in the state."

"I came to see you."

"Don't say that."

"Why?"

"Why are you really here Derek?"

"How far along are you?"

Addison sighed, shooting him a quick glare. "Let's talk in my office." 

She lead him down the hallway, holding open the door to the third office on the right. Once they were both in her office, Addison locked the door behind them. It was then he knew he was trouble, she was mad.

"What the hell Derek?!"

He just smiled at her. Yeah she was mad but he actually kind of missed her being mad at him. He knew any minute now she was going to on one of her angry rants. Which would last about two minutes, she would talk in circle and he would find it cute and chuckle at her, which would only make her more mad and she go on another rant that would end up in her laughing because he would just be smiling at her the whole time.

"Don't give me that face."

"What face?"

"You're stupid smiling face. That stupid sweet smile o yours. You're not allowed to smile at me!"

"Why not?"

"Why are you here?"

"I already told you."

"Why are you really here?"

"I told you, for you. I can't visit you?"

"We haven't talked in nearly 6 months."

"Is that how far along you are?"

"Derek..."

"How far along are you Addison?"

"None of your business."

"So whose the lucky guy?"

"This is MY baby. Mine!"

Derek was taken back by how defensive she got, he felt bad for upsetting her. It wasn't his intention at all. Honestly, he was just curious to see if she was having his baby by any chance. It was her speciality, not his, but given by how far along she looked, it made sense. And well, he liked the idea of her having his baby. 

"Addie..." He slowly approached her, seeing that she was upset he wanted to make sure she was okay with him being close to her.

"Sorry, hormones..."

He gently touched her arm then pulled her into a hug. She quickly leaned into his touch, wrapping her arms around him and nuzzling her head in the crook of his neck. Both of them soaked up the moment, enjoying being together again. Derek heard Addison softly sigh happily, causing him to smile. 

[I have this dream you're doing cool shit, having adventures on your own. You meet some woman on the internet and take her home. We never painted by the numbers, baby but we making it count. You know the greatest loves of all time are over now. I guess you never know, and its another day of waking up alone.]

They sat on the back porch of Addison's house that night, each sipping of a cup of tea. Derek watched the waves hit the shore, it was a beautiful view. Almost as beautiful as the view next to him. He turned to glance at Addison, who had one hand clutching her mug of tea and the other resting on her baby bump. Derek smiled at the sight. Only one day there and LA was really growing on him. 

"You seem happy."

Addison smiles at him. "I am."

"A lot happier then you were in Seattle..."

"Seattle wasn't good for me." 

"And LA is?"

"I have no history here, no bad memories that haunt me. LA is my fresh start, she is my fresh start." Addison smiles, rubbing her bump. 

"She?!"

"She. I'm having a girl."

"Do you have a name picked out?"

Addison shrugged. "I like the name Carson but I'm not sure if that's the one."

"Its not."

She smiles and chuckles. "Are you turning down MY child's name?"

Derek's put his hand on her belly. "No, she is. She says pick another name." He tells her teasingly. The smile on his face turns to one of pure awe and fascination as the baby Addison was growing moved against his hand. He put his other hand on her belly to get the full experience. Addison couldn't help but smile, tearing up at the sight of Derek feeling the baby move. It was a beautiful moment for both of them. 

"Wow...that's incredible." Derek said softly, looking up and allowing his eyes meet Addison's. She smiles, putting her hand on top of his. 

"It's my favorite feeling in the world."

Derek kept his hands on her bump. This moment, this feeling, was beyond words for him. He couldn't stop smiling. He felt happiness he had never felt before, like all he ever needed in life was right there with him. He didn't want to be anywhere else, this is where he was meant to be. With Addison, with this baby. He wasn't going to give up, he was going to fight for her, for their life together. 

"Derek..."

Addison said his name in a soft whisper, but longingly. It was all he needed to make the first move, a move he's been wanting to make since arriving in LA. Since their last moment together in Seattle. Derek leaned forward and connected their lips. The kiss was soft and gentle at first, he wanted to see how she would react. When she return the kiss, welcoming his act of romance, Derek deepened it. Their kiss turned to passion, silently speaking their feelings for one another.

His hands moved from her body and tangled gently in her hair as they kissed. They parted briefly to catch their breath before crashing their lips together again. They had missed each other, maybe more then they had both realized. 

"Derek, what are we doing?" Addison asked softly, resting her forehead against his. 

"Coming back to each other,"

"What about Meredith? And Seattle?"

"They don't matter."

"You don't mean that."

"I do, Addison. I messed up. I should have forgiven you sooner, I should have fought for us, I never should have let you go." 

Addison took in a deep breath, look up in attempts to stop the tears that were threatening to fall from her eyes. She had wanted to hear that from Derek for so long. But too much was at risk now. What if he went back to Meredith and broke her heart again? She wouldn't be able to handle it. She was a mother now, she had to put her daughter first. 

"You were in love with Meredith. Madly in love."

"My love for Meredith...its not like my love for you. She was different for you, she was everything you're not. I was so mad at you back then that I fell for her simply for that reason. But you can't love someone for being the opposite of someone else. That's not real love. Meredith...she ended up reminding me why I loved you so much. All those things I thought I hated about you, I found myself missing. I missed you being passive aggressive, because you always admitted you were being passive aggressive in a really shy, cute way. Plus you're kinda hot when you're mad. I miss you taking too long to get ready, because the moment you finish and walk out of the room you take my breath away with how beautiful you are. I miss waking up to you, I miss falling asleep with you. I miss all the little moments with you I took for granted. I swear Addison, I'm going to make it up to you, I'm going to show you how sorry I am, and how much I love you."

Addison was crying at this point, Derek pulled her into a hug and held her close. "Shhh, it okay Addie, I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere."

She shook her head and pulled away from the hug. "I can't, we can't...I can't do this."

"What? Why?"

"Its just a matter of time before you run back to Meredith."

"Addison, I ended things with Meredith a month ago. She's not in the picture anymore."

"And how long with that last? I spent months watching you love her from a distance, watching you look at her in a way I don't think you ever looked at me. Look, you paint a pretty picture Derek, but its not real."

"It is Addison. Its real, my feelings for you are real."

Addison shakes her head and stands up, pacing back and fourth as she tried her best not to break down and cry. "Stop."

"Tell me you don't want it, tell me you don't love me and I will stop."

"I do want it. I want it so bad Derek. Of course I love you, I will always love you. But its not about me anymore, its about this little girl. I can't lose her."

"Addie...what are you talking about? Why would you lose her?"

Addison looked down with tears and remained quiet. 

"Addison. Do you think I would take her from you?"

"I don't want a custody battle. I don't want going back and fourth from LA to Seattle, I don't want shared holidays. This baby, this little girl, she is everything to me! And I don't want to share her with Meredith Grey if you go back to her and Seattle! I don't want you breaking my heart again because I can't take it again!"

Derek looked at her shocked, letting her words and worries full sink in. Her distance and anger when he first arrived, her fear, it all made sense now. The thought he had in the back of his head since he got there, the feeling he got when he felt the baby move, she just confirmed. But he needed more, he needed to hear her say it.

"Addie...is that my baby?"

Addison took a deep breath to calm herself before speaking up. "Its kinda funny really, I went to LA for a week end, before I moved, to try to get pregnant and Naomi told me it would be nearly impossible. I only had like 3 good eggs left. Yet one night with you and I got a pink plus sign on that damn white stick."

"Oh Addison..."

"Look, I know I should have told you but-"

Her words were cut off by Derek's lips against her. When he pulled away he looked at her with the biggest smile, a smile that put a smile on her face. 

"We're having a baby! I'm gonna be a dad!"

Derek knelt in front of her growing belly, putting his hands on her bump. "Hey babygirl, its your daddy. Don't worry, I won't let your mommy name you Carson, we'll come up with a better name for you. Together."

Addison chuckled through her tears. "Together?"

Derek stood back up, pulling Addison close and placing a kiss on her forehead. "Together. I promise you Addison, I'm not going to take our little girl from you. I'm not going to hurt you."

[But we were something don't you think so? Roaring twenties, tossing pennies in the pool. And if my wishes came true, it would have been you. In my defense I have none, for never leaving well enough alone. But it would have been fun, if you would have been the one.]

Addison woke up the an empty bed, which usually wouldn't be an odd thing, but given she went to bed with Derek by her side she was a little confused as to why he wasn't there. Then the smell of breakfast caught her attention and she smiled. She got of a bed, sliding her feet into her slippers and following the smell of cooking food. She could get used to this, having him here with her. Being a family, she loved that idea. 

"You're cooking." 

Derek looked up to greet her with a smile. "Don't worry, its not trout."

Addison laughed. "Good. I would be worried if it was."

Derek wrap his arms around her and kissed her. "Good morning."

She hummed happily against his lips. "Good morning."

He gently rubbed her belly and smiled wide. "And good morning to you!'

"This is nice."

"Me talking to the bump?"

Addison chuckles. "No, well, yeah. That is nice, but I was talking about us."

"Oh, well, I'm glad you think so because you're gonna have to get used to it."

Addison blushed slightly and smiled. She definitely could get used to it. It felt natural and right. Like it was suppose to be. A part of her was still worried about Derek changing his mind and going back to Seattle to resume his life there. But the happiness he saw every time he interacted with their child made her feel like everything was going to be okay. She had never seen him as happy as she did when he found out he was going to be a father. She felt bad that she going to keep that from her. 

"Do you want any help?"

"No, you sit and relax, I got it."

"So um, when do you have to go back to Seattle?"

"Um...I don't."

"What?"

"I bought a one way ticket here."

"You bought a one way ticket to LA?"

"Yeah..."

"What about your stuff? The trailer?"

"The good thing about living in a trailer is I don't have a lot of things. I took what I need and gave the trailer to Karev. And I'll e-mail Richard today about finding a replacement for me."

"So...you just moved in with me without giving me a warning?"

Derek paused, realizing his lack of a plan kind of made her right. "Yeah...I kind of did. But it was an accident. I didn't really plan anything other then coming here to get you back. That's all I had worked out."

"Wow...how the tables have turned."

Derek laughed. "Yeah, I guess they have."

"Hey Derek?"

"Yeah?"

Addison looked at him lovingly and smiled. "Thank you."

[I persist and resist the temptation to ask you if one thing had been different, would everything be different today? We were something don't you think so? Rose' flowing with your chosen family. And it would have been sweet, if it could have been me. In my defense I have none, for digging up the grave another time. But it would have been fun, if you would have been the one.]


	2. This Love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was gonna be a oneshot yet here I am adding. I have no clue how long this story is going to be, I guess it depends on how well it does. Anyways, pardon any mistakes.

[Clear blue water, high tide came and brought you in. And I could go on and on, on and on, and I will. Skies grew darker, currents swept you out again. And you were just gone and gone, gone and gone. In silent screams, in wildest dreams, I never dreamt of this.]

Addison leaned back against the exam table, lifting her shirt to expose her belly for Naomi to start the ultrasound. She had already had a couple in the past but her excitement was always there in full for each one. She loved seeing her daughter and seeing her grow. But now, this one current ultrasound, was probably her favorite one. This was she was experiencing with Derek. They got to see their daughter together. They got to be a family. 

Derek was glowing with excitement. He held onto Addison's hand, wearing the smile that hadn't left his face since the moment they had entered the room. He couldn't wait to see his baby for the first time. His baby. He was going to be a dad. That was something he had wanted for a long time, and now it was finally happening. And with Addison. There was no one else he would rather start a family with. She was it for him, he just wished that it didn't take losing her to realize that. 

"Ready?" Naomi asked, squirting the cold gel onto Addison's belly in preparation to start.

"Yes!" Derek immediately answered with excitement. 

Naomi placed the wand against Addie's stomach, slowly moving it around until finding the right spot, she turned the monitor a little more towards them as the imagine of their daughter took the screen. A smile immediately took hold of Addison's lips as she looked at her babygirl. She took a moment for stare at the ultrasound screen before looking at Derek, eagerly wanting to see his reaction. Her eyes filled with tears as she saw the pure awe and happiness on his face, tears building in his eyes. 

"Oh my god..." Derek said softly, his eyes locked on the image of their baby. It was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. He instantly fell in love. "That's our little girl, that's our little girl Addie!"

Addison smiles at him lovingly. "Yeah honey, it is."

Derek places a kiss on her hand before leaning down and kissing her lips passionately. He had never felt happiness like this before. Nothing could compare to what he was feeling, it was such a overwhelming happiness. A happiness that not only made him smile big, but made his heart smile. He kissed Addison, didn't want to stop. Sharing this moment with her only made him more in love her. 

"I'm going to print out some pictures for you and give you two a moment." Naomi said, giving the couple a smile before gathering the paperwork and leaving. 

As soon as Addison adjusted her clothes and sat back up, Derek wrapped his arms around her. "Thank you." He whispered to her, holding her close and kissing the top of her head. He was grateful for everything. For their daughter, for Addison carrying their daughter and keeping her safe and healthy, for Addison trusting him to be in the picture again and giving him another chance. She made him the happiest she has ever been.

Derek felt Addison slightly shake and heard a muffled noise come from her, he pulled back to see her softly crying. He looked at her concerned, gently running his fingers through her red hair. "Addie? Honey, what's wrong?"

"I wanted this...I wanted this so bad..."

"Wanted what?"

"You. You here with me and the baby."

"Addie, you're confusing me, I am here."

"Exactly. You're here, and its amazing and perfect and...and it feels too good to be true. And I don't want to lose you again.."

"Honey..." Derek pulls her close again, holding her in a comforting embrace. "I'm here, I'm not going anywhere. I promise."

[This love is good, this love is bad, this love is alive back from the dead. These hands let it go free, this love came back to me.]

Derek knocked on Naomi's office door before walking in. 

"Hey, Addie sent me to pick up the ultrasound pictures."

"Oh right, yes of course." Naomi shuffled through the files that were laying on her desk until she came across Addison's, opening it up to give Derek the pictures from today. She paused, looking down before handing them over. 

"What are you doing Derek...?"

"What do you mean Nai?"

"With Addie, what are you doing?"

"Is it that hard to believe that I love her and still want to be with her?"

"Given everything that has happened, yeah It kind of is."

Derek softly sighed. "I love her Nai. Truly love her. And I want to be with her. I want us to be a family."

"Are you sure?"

"I am."

"Because she's been through enough. And she's finally gotten to a good point in her life, in her pregnancy. You know the first couple months she was really sick, to the point where she couldn't even come to work. She couldn't keep down any food, she was passing out. She started having panic attacks, she was scared she was going to have another miscarriage."

Derek's jaw dropped and his heart sank. "Another...?"

"I didn't mean...I wasn't suppose to say anything. Derek, I'm sorry.."

"When?! When was Addison pregnant before?!"

"About two years ago, she was 9 weeks."

"Why didn't she tell me?!"

"She tried. Then she lost it and...it was hard on her Derek. Really hard. She was losing you and then she lost the baby. Then Mark happened and well, you know the rest."

Derek ran his hand through his hair, tears pricking his eyes. Addison was pregnant before, she was pregnant before and he didn't know. She miscarried and he didn't know. He didn't know, he never noticed a single thing. How could he not see? How could he let his wife go through all that alone?! He felt sick, he felt heart broken. He had punished Addison for sleeping with Mark for so long and she said nothing. She took the blame and sat quickly as he chose to stay in his anger. All while she was hurting, and probably hurting more then him.

"Look Derek, we're all happy you're back, and with Addie. We're just-she's family. We're all family here, so we're just trying to protect her. If you're serious about staying with her and the baby, then we're thrilled. But if there's an ounce of doubt in your head about this, then you need to go, because you cannot get her hopes up and then break her heart. This is her life, her fresh start."

Derek nodded. He needed to talk to Addison. He needed to make things right, prove to her that he wasn't going to leave her, not again. He had a plan. He looked up at Naomi, giving her a small smile. "Thank you."

[Tossing, turning, struggled through the night with someone new. And I could go on and on, on and on. Lantern burning, flickering in my mind for only you. But you're still gone, gone, gone. Been losing grip, on sinking ships, you showed up just in time.]

Derek stood in the door way of Addison's back door, taking a moment to drink in the scene in front of him, he couldn't help but smile to himself. Addison sat on the table, a mug of tea in one hand and the other rested on the swell of her belly where their daughter was growing. She had a blanket wrapped around her at she peacefully stared out at the waves. He'd never felt such strong emotions in his life. The love he had for her escalated so drastically, the pride he had the this was the woman he was carrying his child, the happiness he felt looking at her. To think he almost missed out on all this.

Derek walked up behind Addison, placing his hand on her back as he greeted her with a kiss on the cheek. "Hey."

"There you are! Where have you been all day? You took off after the ultrasound."

"Addie...I think we need to talk." He told her as he sat in the chair next to her. 

"Oh god, you're leaving..."

"Wait, what?"

"You're leaving aren't you?! You're going back to Seattle, to Meredith. I knew this was all too good to be true. I knew I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up. I knew it!" Addison said in a panic, tears forming her in eyes. 

"Addie, I'm not going back to Seattle! I'm not going anywhere!" Derek told her, turning her chair so she was facing him. He then took her hands on his, letting her calm down before bringing up the discussion. 

"Honey...what happened in New York?"

"Derek, what do you mean?"

"Before you slept with Mark, what happened?"

Addison shifted in her seat and pulled her hands away, getting uncomfortable by the question. 

"Addie, please..."

"She told you, didn't she...Naomi had no right.."

"I wish you would have told me."

"I tried...and then...and then it wasn't worth it."

"Tell me now then." He smiled sweetly at her, but Addison wasn't having it. She shook her head, looking away from him as tears spilled from her eyes. "Its in the past." 

Addison had never really talked about her miscarriage before. Mark and Naomi were the only ones who knew about it. Mark was there when it happened and she had told Naomi about it when she had expressed her concerns about her current pregnancy. But that was it. That last year in New York was so dark for her, she hated revisiting it. She especially hated talking to Derek about it, it was their down fall. She didn't want to upset him all over again, especially since they were in a good place right now.

"Addison, please. Let me carry this pain with you. "

She looked at Derek with such hurt in her eyes that his heart broke then and there. He hadn't heard what happened but he already hated himself for not being there for her. It was clear that what she went through really broke her.

"I was only eight weeks when I found out. I knew better then to get attached that early but I thought that the baby could bring us back together, I scheduled an appointment in two weeks, I wanted time to tell you first. I planned two dinners for us to tell you..."

"I missed those dinners...I sent Mark instead..." Derek said softly. His guilt grew as he remember back on that time. He remember Addison telling him about a nice dinner she had planned for them so they could talk. Both times he worked late and asked Mark to go so she wouldn't be alone. Instead he made her feel more alone, and made her deal with the loss of their baby by herself. 

"I never made it to the appointment. I miscarried before then. After the second dinner actually. Mark was there, took me to the hospital. I asked him not to tell you. I...I didn't want you to have to deal with the pain. You never knew about the pregnancy so I didn't want you to find out by me losing it. I figured it would be better that way. Then...well, you know the rest."

"Then Mark..."

"That really was the first time. I lost the baby, I knew I was losing you. I just wanted the feel something other then heartache. So I slept with him, because I needed to numb it. I know its not an excuse, what I did was wrong but...that's it, that's the rest." Addison stared at their hands as she explained everything. The more details she gave the harder she would cling to his hands, he never let her go. 

"That's what you meant by he was just there." Derek said, finally understanding now that he had all the pieces of that night, of the time in their lives. 

"Yeah..."

"Oh Addie. I am so sorry." He guided her onto his lap and wrapped his arms around her. He held her as she cried, repeating to her how sorry he was. 

[This love is good, this love is bad, this love is alive back from the dead. These hands had to let it go free, this love came back to me. This love left a permanent mark, this love is glowing in the dark. These hands had to let it go free, this love came back to me.] 

Derek laid soft kisses trailing along Addison's bare shoulder as he slowly moved inside her from behind. One hand gently held onto her hip and the other was linked with her hand. They loved sex, they were good at sex (except that one time) but there were a few occasions where their sex was just...more. This was one of those time.

Neither were a fan of the phrase 'making love', but both understood that sometimes that's what it was, that's what they did. And that is what they were doing now. But this time was different. This time their bodies connected through love, understanding, forgiveness, unity. As they made love their bodies said things that their words hadn't spoke yet. The love they made was making new promises between them. 

Their breathing became heavier as they got closer, finishing together. Derek holds Addison in the afterglow, kissing her head. "I love you Addison, I am so in love with you."

Addison was tearing up at his words. She had wanted to hear those words from him for so long. She remembered to nights in trailer that she would silently cy because he wouldn't say that to her, and now she was silently crying because he was. Not only Derek saying that he loved her, but he was showing her too. 

"I love you too Derek."

[Your kiss, my check, I watch you leave. Your smile, my ghost, I fell to my knees. When you're young you just run, but you come back to what you need.]

Addison woke up alone the next morning. Which she would have been mad about had she not smelled breakfast being cooked downstairs. Usually she didn't like breakfast but since entering her second trimester, she loved it. Well, the little shepherd she was currently growing loved it. She smiled to herself, wrapping her silk robe around herself body and heading downstairs to see her the handsome man making cooking.

"Mmm, good morning." Addison said softly as she hugged Derek from behind.

He immediately smiled, feeling Addison's baby bump press against his back as she put her arms around him. "Good morning." He turned to kiss her. "Why don't you sit down and rest, breakfast is almost ready."

"Derek, I just woke up, I don't need to rest. I'm pregnant, not dying." 

"I know, but I also want to talk so just sit."

"Talk?"

"Addie, it's not bad, I promise. Just sit down? Please."

Addison gave him a skeptical look but finally just did as he asked. She said down at the kitchen table. "Okay, I'm sitting. What do you want to talk about?"

Derek couldn't help but chuckle at the annoyance in Addison's voice. He wasn't quite sure if that was from hormones or Addison just being Addison. He decided both was probably the correct answer. He walked over to give her a quick kiss and rub her baby bump, which immediately made very nerve and annoyance fade away.

Derek took a moment to gaze at her, taking her all her beauty and pregnancy glow. She was completely captivating to him. 

"Naomi told me about your struggles earlier on in the pregnancy. The sickness and panic attacks and fainting."

"Is there anything she didn't tell you?!"

"Addie..."

"Sorry. Um, yeah. First trimesters can be rough but, but I had a good support system."

"I wish I could have helped."

"I'm okay now. Second trimester has been good to me. The hardest thing is just finding clothes I fit in and don't hate." Addison said with a smile and small chuckle. 

Derek nods. "I just wish I could have been there for you. But I'm here now, I promise. I'm going to be here for everything. Every ultrasound, every doctors appointment, every back massage and foot massage that's needed, the birth. Everything."

"Derek, I appreciate that, and I would love that. But you have a job back in Seattle."

"Not anymore." Derek said with his charming smirk. He watched Addison's eyes grow wide as she looks at shocked and confused.

"What?!"

"After the ultrasound yesterday I e-mailed Richard and told him that I wouldn't be returning from LA...and then I talked to Charlotte King about getting hired at the hospital here."

"Wait wait wait.." Addison sat up, having a hard time wrapping her head around what Derek was telling her. "What about your trailer? And fishing? You love fishing, you love Seattle. The rain, Seattle Grace, the trailer.."

"I love you and I love our daughter."

Addison looked him in the eyes, tears of happiness quickly spilling from her eyes as she started to smile. "You're here, for good."

"I'm here, for good."

"Oh my god." Addison was overcome with emotion as she started to cry. Derek quickly pulled her into a hug and she held onto him. "I'm sorry, it happens. The hormones, I can't help it." 

Derek chuckles and rubs her back as he hugs her. "You get one more minute of affection and then I've gotta return to breakfast."

"I'm okay, I'm okay. I promise. I'm just, happy. So incredibly happy. I don't know how to express how happy I am."

"You can start by feeding our baby the breakfast." He said teasingly.

Addison rolled her eyes. "Way to ruin the moment Derek. And your baby wouldn't let me skip breakfast."

"My baby?"

"When she's going out of her way to ruin my figure as much as she can then she's your baby."

"I like your figure. Alot. And I will be more then happy to show you just how much I like your figure."

Addison smiled at him before they kissed, and she continued to smile as they pulled away. 

"You're here."

Derek smiled, running his fingers along her cheek. "I'm here."

[This love left a permanent mark, this love is glowing in the dark. These hands let it go free, this love came back to me. This love, this love, this love came back to me.]


	3. Willow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its 3am so my eyes aren't working well, super sorry for any grammar and spelling errors.

[I'm like the water when your ship rolled in that night, rough on the surface but you cut through like a knife. And if it was open/shut case, I never would've known from that look on your face. Lost in your current like a priceless wine.]

"We should go to the beach."

Addison looked up from the book of baby names that she was reading. "What?"

"We should go to the beach."

"No."

"Why?"

"I'm almost seven months pregnant."

"So you can't go to the beach...?"

"I can, but no one would want to see me at the beach."

"I would. And considering the beach is literally your back yard, I would say that's all that matters."

Addison looks at him for a moment and then turns her attention back to her book. "I'm reading."

"So read later, or bring your book with. Come on Addie, I've been living in Seattle with rain and clouds. I wanna be in the sunlight and water with my hot wife."

"Girlfriend."

"Huh?"

"I'm your girlfriend. Not wife, you divorced me."

"I can change that."

"Don't you dare!"

"You don't want to marry me?"

"Derek, I love you. But first of all, that's a terrible proposal. And second, I don't want to think about marriage. Not right now. I just want to focus on her."

Derek smiles sweetly at Addison, and rubs her baby bump. "I'm happy to focus on her. And preferably at the beach today."

"Derek..."

"What?"

"I don't want to go to the beach..."

"Why?"

Addison remained silent.

"Addie?"

"I'm pregnant Derek. Very pregnant."

"Are you...self conscious?" Derek said surprised. He'd never really Addison to be self conscious of her looks. She was a beautiful woman, a very beautiful woman. And she knew this, she had always known this. Addison held her head high always, held herself with class and elegance. Addison was a confident person. She was the perfect proportion of beauty, sexiness, and well, cute. Seeing her question herself was new, it wasn't something he expected. 

"Yeah. My body is not my body anymore."

"Addie. I've seen your body. Several times..."

"Yes, but in the dark or a dim room, and in a bed with sheets and covers."

"Addison..."

"I know this pregnancy is a miracle and I am grateful I am! Its just-"

"Addison."

"What?"

"I have seen your body. I love your body. I really love your body. I am in awe of your body. And tonight, I will slow you just how much I love your body."

Addison smiled at his words. Her cheeks turning a rosy shade of pink as she blushed. "Fine. We'll go to the beach."

It was hard for her to say 'no' to Derek when he such the perfect thing with his perfect smile. Usually she was argue more but with the look in his eye as he gazed at her, she could tell he was being genuine. Though she was insecure about the new curves and shape of her body, Derek loved these things about her. Derek loved her body. Derek loved her. She let that sink in.

[The more that you say, the less I know. Wherever you stray, I follow. I'm begging for you to take my hand, wreck my plans, that's my man.]

Derek stood behind Addison, his arms wrapped around her securely as the waves crashed against their legs. He was starting to understand the appeal of LA. Not that he didn't like it before, he just didn't know it before. His main focus was just Addison and the baby. But now he was trying to get to know LA, his new home. 

He found a coffee shop near by that he likes, he made it part of his daily routine to stop on his way to work. He found a couple of nice restaurants that he planned on taking Addison to. He even found a place to rent boats. He was even starting to get used to the practice and the hospital thee. It wasn't as busy and chaotic as Seattle Grace, but he liked that. He liked coming home to Addison every night. And on time. He liked LA.

"Have you found any names you like?" He asked before kissing her cheek. 

"None that I love." Addison said with a sigh. "I want her name to be...unique. She's special, her name should be special." 

"Bizzy have any suggestions?"

Addison laughed. "None that I would even consider." 

Derek took her hand in his and they walked along the shore. Addison allowed silence to fall over them for a long moment before speaking up.

"Does your family know...?" Her voice was soft and she kept her eyes down looking at the waves. 

"About?"

"Me, the baby, LA...all of it."

"No."

"Oh..."

"Addie.."

"No, its fine. I get it. Its complicated, we're complicated. And your family aren't really big fans of mine."

Derek stopped walking and turned to face Addison. He stroked her cheek before tucking a strand of red hair behind her ear, then resting her hands on her side. He wanted until Addison looked him in the eyes before giving her a reassuring smile.

"I haven't told my family yet because honestly, I've been caught up in this blissful bubble of being with you and our daughter. Its been two weeks since I've gotten to LA and I've been focused on you, and ultrasounds, and baby books, and breakfast, and getting to know LA. I've been so unbelievably happy that I wanted to stay in the bubble before telling my family. You know Shepherds don't do well with boundaries."

Addison rolled her eyes and chuckled in agreement. 

"This may have started in a complicated, messy way. But this is simple for me. I love you, and I love this baby. That's all that matters. I will tell my family, and they'll be happy. My family is still your family Addison. Nancy still loves you. And Amelia still adores you. Everything is going to be okay Addie, I promise you."

Addison took a deep breathe and nodded, allowing a smile to take hold of her lips. "Thank you Derek." She leaned forward and captured his lips, kissing him softly. "And I love you too."

[Life was a willow and it bent right to your wind. Head on the pillow, I could feel you sneaking in. As if you were a mythical thing, like you were a trophy or a champion ring. There was one prize I would cheat to win.]

They had spent half the day the day at the beach. Walking in the waves, talking about baby names, just enjoying being in each other arms. Being nearly seven months pregnant though, Addison got tired easily. And hungry. So after awhile they headed back home. 

They take turns showering and while Addison does her evening moisturizing routine, Derek goes down stairs to start dinner for them. It was becoming routine for him to cook for them, he considered it fair since she was the one currently cooking their child. Besides, he remembered all the times Addison had tried cooking for them back in New York, they had both agreed to leave the cooking to him.

Just as Derek prepared to start cooking, his phone went off. The name the caller ID read made his heart sink. Meredith. This couldn't be good. He took a deep breath before answering the call. 

"Hello?....I'm good Meredith. Why exactly are you calling me?" 

Addison's daily routines had gotten longer. All of them. Mainly because her nearly seven month pregnant stomach and pregnancy exhaustion caused her to move a lot slower. Her after shower skin care and moisturizing routine had an extra added step of belly care to prevent stretch marks. She told Derek to go ahead and start dinner and she would meet him downstairs to help. By help, it usually meant just hugging him from behind and snacking as he cook.  
Addison put on a pair of pajama shorts and slipped on one of Derek's flannels before heading downstairs. She paused in the doorway, seeing he was on the phone. When she heard him end the phone call, heard who was talking to, she stopped breathing. 

"Meredith, it's okay. I'll come back, I'll be there." Derek sighed as he hung up the phone, running his fingers through his hair. 

"Mer-Meredith...you were talking to Meredith..." Addison voice was small, stuttered, like she had to force the words out.

Derek immediately stood up, startled not only by Addison but the pain in her voice. "Addison..." His heart raced looking at her. She was pale, her hands shaking shaking, tears falling from her eyes. 

"You....you're back to Seattle...you're going...you're going back to Meredith..." With each word her breathing turned to hyperventilating.

"Addison, you need to calm down. Breathe honey." Derek rushed to her. He took one of his hands in his and placed his other against her cheek. "Look at me, Addison, look at me."

Addison struggled to look at him, and when she did she looked terrified. "Derek-I can't-I can't...!"

"Breathe, I know. Look at me honey, focus on me. You're gonna get through this, we're going to get through his okay? I just need you focus on me, listen to me. Don't talk, just listen."

Addison nodded and did as Derek said. She kept her eyes looking into his and held onto him as much as her shaking hands allowed it. 

"I want you to breathe with me okay? We're gonna take deep, slow breaths."

Addison nodded again, as Derek took a deep breath so did she. She wasn't quite sure how long they were breathing for, but eventually it worked and her breathing evened out. Her trembling hands slowed and the exhaustion started to sink in. 

"Derek...I'm dizzy.."

He leaned her body against his and walked her over to the couch, helping her sit down. Addison refused to let go of his hand and guided him to sit with her. He sat with her, holding her close and rubbing her back from while, until he was certain she was calm. Derek never question Naomi when she had told him what Addison had been through, but he never imagined it would be something he would experience with her. He had seen Addison under a lot of pressure and handle countless hard situation, never once did it send her into a panic attack. It broke his heart to see her like that.

"You okay?"

"Yeah...I'm sorry.

"Don't be sorry Addie. I'm sorry that you've been dealing with these."

"It doesn't happen that often."

"But often enough." 

Addison remained silent as Derek stroked her hair. The gesture was simple but it was her favorite. It was soothing and reassuring, and it made her feel loved. 

"Addison. Meredith called me about a case she needs help with. That's it. Its not a one way plane ticket. I'm going to go there, do the surgery, make sure the patients is on the right road to recovery, and come right back to you. Do you hear me Addison? I'm going to come back to you."

"This is my dream Derek, this is everything I wanted. You, me, a baby, a career. You show up and give me my dream and I am terrified that this is too good to be true. I keep waiting for the shoe to drop, and when I heard you talking to Meredith I...I thought that was the shoe dropping.."

Derek tilted Addison's head up and kissed her. "Expect good things Addie."

[The more that you say, the less I know. Wherever you stray, I follow. I'm begging for you to take my hand, wreck my plans, that's my man. You know that my train could take you home, anywhere else is hollow. I'm begging for you to take my hand, wreck my plans, that's my man.]

Derek hadn't stopped thinking about Addison's panic attack. They went from laughing and kissing and talking about baby names at the beach to her being so worried she couldn't breathe. He wanted to show her he was serious, prove to her that he wasn't going anywhere. It took him a couple days to figure out a plan but he did. One that he loved and he hoped Addison would too. 

Derek got home that night to find Addison sitting in bed, glasses resting on the tip of her nose as she read. He stood in the door way for a moment to admire how beautiful she was. He forgot how much he loved when she wore glasses. 

"What to Expect when You're Expecting? Shouldn't you know that given its your career?" 

Addison rolled her eyes. "That's what I told Naomi but she said I should read them because I'm the mother not the doctor."

"She has a point. Being on the other side is different."

"Yeah...it really is." Addison said softly, putting her hand on her baby bump. 

"I got you something."

"You got me something?"

"I got you something." 

Derek places a small velvet box in Addison's lap and watch her eyes widen. 

"Derek I said-"

"I know what you said. Just open it."

Addison opened the velvet, her mouth dropped open as she saw the ring inside.

"Derek...!"

"Its not an engagement ring, this isn't a proposal. Its a promise. I'm promising that I'm choosing you, that I love you, and that I'm going to be here for you. The ring-the blue gem, its our daughters birthstone, and the band, its a willow branch. I looked up the meaning of the willow, it has a lot of different meanings: strength, love, hope, healing. It can symbolize letting go and starting new. All things which have a lot of meaning to us. I'd like to name our daughter Willow."

Addison just smiles as tears for in her eyes. 

"What do you think?"

"I think that was a proposal, just not a marriage proposal."

"Oh...I guess it was. Well, do you accept my name proposal?"

"Willow Montgomery-Shepherd...it does sound nice."

Derek smiles. "So is that a yes?"

Addison looks at him and smiles, giving him a nod. "I accept your name proposal."

Derek places the ring on Addison's finger and then kisses her. "I love you."

[Life was a willow and it bent right to your wind. They count me out time and time again. Life was a willow and it bent right to your wind, but I come back stronger then a 90s trend. Wait for a signal and I'll meet you after dark. Show me the places where the others gave you scars. Now this is a open/shut case, I guess I should have known from the look on your face. Every bait and switch was a work of art.]


End file.
